Matters of Great Importance

by Dan Plus Add

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about

This is my second album - the first which was release "properly" though. It features a bunch of songs on really important subjects such as coffee shop ownership

credits

released May 20, 2008

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Dan Plus Add UK

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Track Name: Naming Music Isn't Easy
Making music isn't easy
Trying not to sound so cheesy
This is my ultimate goal
To which I give heart and soul

You may think there aren't very
Many British Nerdcore rappers
But you are mistaken so
I will give this thing a go

Wake up every morning feeling fine
But there's always something on my mind
There are many things I have to do
Oh so many things to log on to

These are all the things I really need
Surfing every day on my PC
I can check the weather with my Wii
Maybe then I'll play some CnC

"Hello? ... Copyright infringement? Err... Oh you're looking for Dan Plus Add. Yeah this is Man Fuss Bad... okay. Bye.

I've just had, Plus-Add it, n-no-one listens to my songs
My intent is attention but I always get it wrong
I have added folks on MySpace and I've played at a coffee place
I guess I'll keep trying I ain't been around long

From the high peaks of Scotland to the tip of land's end
I'll be rocking your socks off, and I'll be your new best friend
And to all of the people who'd like me to be slammed, I say
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
Track Name: The Right Man in the Wrong Place
Today I ran some tests on a little hairless creature
With unusual features don't you know?
It came into our lab in a little glowing portal thing
I don't know how to handle it just yet.
And yesterday my good friend Steve he caught an illness
I think he wants to kill us because he tried.
And what's more is that the health plan here stinks
You'd think they'd cover alien attacks!

So please don't tell me that you're having a lousy day
Just be thankful they did not take your guns away
And then put you in a big metal holding claw
Things aren't easy when you work at Black Me-sa.

Someone once told me that the right man in the wrong place
Can make all of the difference in the world.
And he was right because when I came to Black Mesa
All of my worst nightmares just unfurled
And to think that I tried so hard to get in
I got a freaking PhD in theoretical physics!
And now, what has it brought me?
A lifetime stuck in stasis and I've watched a really hot chick die!

So please don't tell me that you're having a real bad time
Just be thankful that you've not tasted alien slime
And you probably know currently where you are
Things aren't easy when you work at Black Mesa

One time, my boss threatened to kill me
After he oppressed the human race.
He sent out lots of guys to come and shoot me
Who all had alterations to their face.
And then I got bombarded by these mortars
Filled with little creepy slimy beasts.
And I have seen a lot of crap I tell you,
And I really want something to eat!

So please don't tell me that you're leading a crappy life
At least you've got a chance to go and seek out a wife
You don't come face to face death when you drive your car
Things aren't easy when you work at Black Mesa

Please try to understand, I do not mean to whine
But I bet that you remember the last time that you felt fine.
And I bet that you're wearing lots of comfortable clothes
And you've never worn a hazard suit it chafes so much you do not want to knooooow!
So please don't tell me that you're having a lousy day
Just be thankful people listen to what you say
I'm ignored so much I don't even speak these days
Track Name: My Landlord Sucks
I have a friend; A roommate to be exact
He had a little problem with our little flat
He had a damp room from the leaky ceiling
The roof was quite revealing of our home

So we called up the landlord he said he'd come over
He looked at the ceiling and leaned on my shoulder, he said
"It's just a simple task of calling up a guy
And he will do his best to fix your window to the sky"

He said he'd help us
He said he'd fix it
He said he'd call a guy who'd be there in a tick
He said he'd help us
And then he didn't
Now I realise my landlord sucks

He calls every now and then to take the rent
The money that he needs it seems that he's already spent
We always pay him early yet he always seems so surly and I
Think he may be mad to an extent

Cause whenever we see him he's getting all flustered
His sentence cohesion seems quite maladjusted he's
Making excuses to leave
Is it possible that I am just naive?

Because
The ceiling has been leaking for so many months
A scaffolder came over and he may have helped us ONCE
Our water tastes quite strange and, see, the colours that it comes in range
From white to blue and sometimes pinky grey

And please don't get me started on some of the neighbours
He knows how to choose them, they don't do us favours
They're stealing our bins all the time
I'm not sure but I think that might be a crime!

He said he'd help us
He said he'd fix it
He said he'd call a guy who'd be there in a tick
He said he'd help us
And then he didn't
Now I realise my landlord sucks

My landlord sucks
Cause he is never doing what he says
To him an hour means five days
He sucks

My Landlord sucks
Because our house is breaking gradually
I wonder if he even sees
The grief he's putting us all through
Instead of nails he uses glue
And thank you for a lovely home but
Next year we'll leave you alone!

-Next three lines picked-
He said he'd help us
He said he'd fix it
He said he'd call a guy who'd be there in a tick

He said he'd help us
And then he didn't
Now I realise
Almost much to my demise
To be frank, quite surprised
I never noticed with my eyes
Because now I realise my landlord sucks
Track Name: Monosyllabic Expression of Heedlessness (meh)
This is the time
For us to decide
What is wrong,
And what is right.
What should I do,
To earn my degree?
Is there a career out there,
Waiting for me?

Every day we make big choices
When we just want to avoid them
Let me tell you what you have to do
Just say

Meh
It's a great little word if you know how to use it right
It can save you some and can even help you in a fight
It's the easiest way for expressing your apathy
It's like saying I don't care now please just stop talking to me
Please stop talking to me

Imagine the scene
You're outside a bar
And them some guy
Rolls up in his car
He needs to get
To the hospital
But he don't know the way
And he's bleeding directly from his skull

You should mind your own damn business
His problems can't concern you
It's rude to interfere in people's lives!

So just say

So ten years from now
Your love on their knees
They utter the words
"Will you marry me?"
You fill up with joy
And your eyes fill with tears
For this is the moment
You've dreamed of for years

So many things you could say to them now
A million ways but you just don't know how
To accept their proposal with all of the methods at once
So you just say

It's like saying I don't care now please just stop talking to me
Cause I don't care what you have to say
I don't even know what you want anyway
So just take yourself out of obvious view
Please don't take it so personal it's just that I'm rude
I haven't got time, yeah my schedule's packed
I'll only ignore you when I say meh!
Track Name: I want to own a coffee shop
From years of American Entertainment
Telling me what to think
I've developed quite a fascination with
The art of the caffinated drink
I don't even like coffee
I think it tastes like shit
But if I had it all my way
I would have a job making it

I want to own a coffee shop
Taking in orders from the businessmen and that
Early each morning open up
Making sure people have a nice and lively day

And yes, I'd decorate it nicely
Put some pictures on the wall
Maybe I'd sell some stuff for artists
But I wouldn't sell it all
My patronage consisting fairly
Of all people, young and old
But I think I would let in mostly
Those who owned their weight in gold

I want to own a coffee shop
Taking in orders from the indie kids and that
I'd have a really cutsey name
Like "Coffeeholic" or "The Java Juice" or "Meh."
I'd be each customer's best friend
Unless they pissed me off in which case they'd be out
I'd have a special every day
For holidays that no-one's ever heard about

Mocha, Latte, Cappuccino
Espresso Americano
It's all Greek to me
I would learn a thousand versions
If it gave me just a chance to
Sell some hot coffee

I want to own a coffee shop
Taking in orders from the pensioners perhaps
I'd offer wireless access
To the Internet, if you're a regular
My friends would come around to chill
They'd get free coffee...
...Maybe... I'm not sure
I'd only offer fairtrade stuff
Just to make sure the hippies walk in through the door

I want to own a coffee shop
It's been my dream for many years oh yes it has
I'd probably fail but oh who cares
If I don't try then I will never have a chance.
Track Name: What is this Nerdery?
I got a message from my friend
He said, "Hey dan let's go again"
"There's something I'd like to try out,
some tactics I have heard about."

I loaded up, I hit the switch
I realised that life's a bitch
It's broken, yes just like before
Becoming something I abhor

Another problem now to solve
Under my desk was where I'd go
To tinker with the bolts and screws
Which wire to unplug? Can't choose

But suddenly to my surprise
I hear my door begin to pry
Behind me now a figure stands
It speaks quite loud and it demands

What is this nerdery?
I think it's plain to see that
You spend too much time on this PC of yours
What is this geekery?
Why are you so obsessed with this computer?
Every time you touch it, it just breaks!

This went on for a while but I
Refused to live a dirty lie
To shun my urge was heresy
Computer Gods would be displeased

Inherently I need type,
To code, to breaks things just to fix
I cannot help it that's the way things
Have to be and always will be

What is this nerdery?
I think it's plain to see that
You spend too much time on this PC of yours
What is this geekery?
Why are you so obsessed with this computer?
Every time you touch it, it just breaks!

(ooooh)
So many broken mice
So many scratched CDs
I reinstalled it twice
I mean twice a week
So many lines of code
So many bugs to fix
And all this time I hadn't seen
The benefit it brings
And yet I wouldn't change a bit
Because it's made me want to sing

So several years have come and gone
And now a right to sing this song
Has come with hours of practice
In breaking things I'd have to fix

A million bugs, a thousand ticks
Five-hundred viruses, oh shit
But they're all gone now it's all clean
Oh boy do I miss that blue screen!

So please just message me my friend
I'd like to have a go again
And maybe this time with some luck
My PC will not break...... (explosion/radio static/electric sound) oh fuck.
Track Name: Wikiversity
Oxford doesn't cut it anymore
When I tried to enroll there they kicked me out the door
I didn't want to learn there anyway
I've heard about their programs and they all sound pretty lame

So I need somewhere new
Made for folks like me and you
Where the only thing you need is curiosity

I wanna go to the Wikiversity
All the knowledge I desire
Delivered to me by the wire
I wanna go to the Wikiversity
Information on demand
In the palm of my hand

You can take your bachelor's degree
With their Photoshopping class I'll make one just for me
I'm aceing every subject that I take
And if I ever get worn out I can just take a break

Every page that I click on
Leads me to another one
And my thirst for knowledge slowly becomes quenched

I wanna go to the Wikiversity
All the knowledge I desire
Delivered to me by the wire
I wanna go to the Wikiversity
Information on demand
In the palm of my hand

Ooh... any subject that you want you leaaaaarn
for any degree that you want to eaaaaarn
anyone can go
you don't need no dough!

If I find a class that I don't like
I can change it to my needs, and prof can take a hike
'Cause University should be a breeze
And now I'm teaching everyone Philosophy of Cheese

And my average scores are great
My assignments never late
And nobody tells me how to pass a course

I wanna go to the Wikiversity
All the knowledge I desire
Delivered to me by the wire
I wanna go to the Wikiversity
Learning oh so much
All in time for lunch
Sitting in my chair
In my underwear
I will never be
Earning a degree
Track Name: You're Dumb
You may have noticed something strange about you
Something suggests you have a puny IQ
Well here's a fact I think you really should know
For your sake I will try to speak extra slow:

You're dumb.
You're du-umb.
You're dumb.
You're du-umb.

It's not too bad you can still live a normal life
Just get a simple job and find yourself a simple wife
You'll live in harmony, for ignorance is bliss
Just don't forget the fact that people tend to take the piss

DUMB.
You're du-umb.
You're dumb.
You're du-umb.
You're du-u-u-umb.
Yeah, you're du-u-u-umb.

Don't take it the wrong way
Yeah I know it sounds pretentious
But your actions as of lately
Led me to the conclusion that
Your capabilities are
Far below the average of
Somebody of your position
And of your age and stature

You're du-u-u-umb.
You're du-u-u-umb.

I have never known anyone so astoundingly stupid
Your attention is lacking, I wish you'd stop talking
What could have happened that could lead to this madness?
One of the few things I'm sure in this world are

You're du-u-u-umb.
You're du-u-u-umb.
You're du-u-u-u-u-umb (stupid, stupid, stupid)
You're du-u-u-u-u-umb (stupid, stupid, stupid)
Track Name: At the Arcade
Late at night I would go to the Arcade
Having fun wasting the money I made
All the games, calling me, shining so bright
And I would play DDR all through the night

And that's when I saw her with her body so fine
When she moved on DDR I knew she had to be mine
Hitting all the arrows with a perfect score
I had to make a move because I had to have more

She'd dance away the weekends

DDR! DDR!
I'm getting into the groove
DDR! DDR!
You've gotta teach me to move!
DDR! DDR!
Your songs aren't even that great!
DDR! DDR!
Our love has got to be fate

Challenged her to a game dancing on the squares
She picked a song and we made it fair
We both had to play on the hardest mode
And then we started dancing and I felt the groove flow

She was pretty good in fact she didn't hold back
I was just ahead until her final attack
Her timing wasn't lacking when she hit with her feet
The crowd began to cheer and pretty soon I was beat

I didn't have a shot and soon
The arrows played against me
And her skill was just unmatchable
Her score was going crazy
And you should have seen her
Cause she wasn't getting lazy
And I don't know how she does it
Didn't take her long to phase me

And she shunned me off the dancefloor!

DDR! DDR!
I'm getting into the groove
DDR! DDR!
You've gotta teach me to move!
DDR! DDR!
Your songs aren't even that great!
DDR! DDR!
Our love has got to be fate

After all was done and the game was complete
She said I danced well to the hardcore beat
She took me to the dancefloor where she had won
And we played together now dancing all night long

We'd dance away the weekends!

DDR! DDR!
I'm getting into the groove
DDR! DDR!
You've gotta teach me to move!
DDR! DDR!
Your songs aren't even that great!
DDR! DDR!
Our love has got to be fate
Track Name: Brainfreeze: RETURN OF THE PAIN
I had a craving for a milkshake one day, I said
I want it chocolate with extra frappe, I said
I want it extra cold and extra fast
If it isn't perfect it'll be your last

The man behind the bar oh well he mixed it up
He shook it up a bit and poured it into a cup
The whipped cream went on top and so I took a sip
It tasted nice so I left the good man a tip

I sat down at my table feeling rather good
This milkshake tasted just like how a milkshake should
But after a few chugs my face it started to cringe
I couldn't hold it in I couldn't help but whinge

BRAINFREEZE! Oh I'm in agony my head it hurts!
BRAINFREEZE! Pain so excruciating I might burst!

I clutched my skull and squeezed oh so hard oh yes
I don't know why but I just felt the urge to press
My palms into my eyes so that the pain would go
But did it work, did it hell I just screamed oh

BRAINFREEZE! It's like a thousand knives of ice are peircing my head!
BRAINFREEZE! I can't take much more of this until I'd rather be dead
BRAINFREEZE! Why does my brain have such an adverse reaction to the milkshake?
BRAINFREEZE! It's like a terrible nightmare from which I can't wake

Oh this is misery
Can someone please help me
I'm feeling like I want to die
I can't take much more of this pain
And yet I still take one more sip
It just can't go away to soon
Track Name: Welcome Back to the Internet
None, really.